so i'm delaying the realworld

White on White

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:14:39 GMT

I thank the world for Tim Wise. I think I have a mancrush on him now.

This is Your Nation on White Privilege

By Tim Wise

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

i'm a chemist!

Wed, 24 May 2006 05:27:38 GMT

who should i work for? Poeppelmeier? Kanatzidis? I've done undergrad research related to both. damn..so hard. Well, which is more interesting? Let's see how gizzogle looks at things..

POEPPELMEIER:
Inorganic solid-state chemistry has always had widespread use in industrial applications n in diverse fields S-to-tha-izzuch as hetero geneous catalizzles n ceramics. Our research emphasizes tha connections between tha synthesis n structure of new materials, tha physical properties of new materials, n tha technologizzles advances that result F-R-to-tha-izzom these discovizzles.

One major objective is ta develop novel inorganic syntheses fo` tha production of nonmolecizzles multicompizzle oxides not easily obtained by conventizzles high temperatizzle solid-state reactions.To accomplish this goal, we prepare chemically homogizzles precursors by a variety of ion-exchange oxidation-rizzle n acid-base reactions hittin that booty. Chemical reactivity on tha surface of oxides dependson tha surface states relative ta tha bizzle state n they interaction wit species adsorbed on tha surface . Holla!. Of particizzles interest ta us is complex metal oxides, which is find'n increas'n use in envirizzles chemistry as reagents n catalysts ta selectively transform organic compounds. The important features that makes oxides useful is they ability ta transfa oxygen n catalyze acid-base reactions so you betta run and grab yo glock. The illustration on this page depicts tha structure of FeVMoO 7, which was shown by single crystal X-ray diffraction ta contain Mo-oxo double bonds — extremely rare in solid state oxides . Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin'. These materials provide useful models fo` tha Mo-oxo surface species on oxide catalysts, rhymin' tha assignment of tha Mo = O stretch'n frequencies fizzle Raman studies at `bout 980 cm -1.

Inorganic materials thizzat have unusual structures often exhibit interest'n chemical n physical characterizzles fo' sho'. For example, layered materials exhibit a wide variety of important technologizzles uses coz they cracka a unique crystalline architecture thizzay can be designed ta achieve specific material properties. The recent discovery of H-to-tha-izzigh temperature superconductivity in layered cuprates has led ta new applications of supercondizzles. We is also interested in noncentrosymmizzle compounds n they technologically important properties siznuch as ferroelectricity n second-orda nonlinear behavior. Mizzy recently we have begun ta study metal oxides that is transparent throughout tha visible range yet is metallic conductors. Our research in these areas, rang'n F-R-to-tha-izzom growth of single crystals ta tha synthesis of new snoopa conductors, is part of an interdisciplinary research program that involves tha collaborizzles of physicists, materials scientists, n chemists.

yay for the poeppelmeier website :)

KANATZIDIS:
We is interested in tha design, synthesis, synthetic methodolizzle in- depth characterizizzle manipulizzle n potential applications of new substances wit novel chemical, physical, or electrical properties. These substances range frizzom discrete molecizzles compounds, ta solid state inorganic materials, ta organic polymizzle materials with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. We seek ta obtain pimp clockin' of synthesis/structure relatizzles n structure/fizzle relatizzles fo' sheezy.

Solid State Chemistry of Chalcogenizzles

Perhaps no otha area of chemical synthesis more deserves tha title "exploratizzles tizzle does solid state synthesis. The majority of synthetic chemists hizzle a measure of predictability in tizzle tha molecizzles units they W-to-tha-izzork wit remain relatively intact throughout they reactions, n so they gizzy is mainly ta link one molecule ta tha next or ta perform specific changes on molecizzles functional groups. The solid state synthetic chemist has almost no predictability in his reactions save fo` tha simplest cases of elemental substitizzles n even thizzen can stizzay hizzle his predictions frustrated , betta check yo self.

Hope ta change this in tha future. We wizzy on tha develizzles of novel Synthetic Methodolizzles fo` tha class of metal chalcogenide compounds cuz its a G thang. This involves tha exploration of molten solids n they application as solvents fo` exploratory synthesis n crystal growth. It also involves tha use of stable preformed mackin' blocks T-H-to-tha-izzat end up in tha final structures giv'n tha solid a certain functionality where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

In many ways we approach this chemistry from a solution chemist��outlook ratha than a conventizzles hizzay temperature solid state chemists��perspective. This allows fo` useful n profitable insights ta be D-R-to-tha-izzawn from what is already known in coordizzles chemistry.

Although techniques wizzay become mizzle sophisticizzles one hundred percent synthetic predictability is not likely ta be achieved in any tizzle of chemical synthesis. We wizzay always have tha unknown ta frustrate, motivizzles n inspire us . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house.

New Thermoelizzle Materials

The challenge in any effort ta rappa new thermoelizzle (TE) materials lies in achiev'n simultaneously hizzle electronic conductivizzles hizzle thermoelizzle killa n low thermal conductivity in tha same solid.These properties define tha thermoelizzles figure of merit ZT = (S 2s/k)T; where S is tha cracka stha electronic conductivizzle ktha thermal conductivizzle n T tha temperature. The F-to-tha-izzirst three quantities is determined by tha details of tha electronic structure n ballin' of charge carria (electrons or holes) n thus is not independently controllable playa , chill yo. The thermal conductivity has a contribizzles F-R-to-tha-izzom lattice vibrations, klwhich is called tha lattice thermal conductivity . Thus k=ke+kl, where keis tha rappa thermal conductivity.

Our efforts aim ta synthesize bizzay materials wit higha figures of merit tizzy those attainable wit Bi 2Te3 . Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Several new ideas n approaches ta tha design of improved thermoelizzles materials have stimulated a resurgence of interest in this old field . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. The least understood problem is how ta increaze tha pusha of a material witout depress'n tha electronic conductivity n how ta predict precisely W-H-to-tha-izzich materials wizzay hizzle very large thermopowa where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

Although there is many different approaches n avenues taken by different groups around tha world, we have our own approach ta new thermoelizzles materials, which is ta explore complex chalcogenide materials using newly developed solid state synthetic techniques fo` these systems.

We is not merely interested in new compounds that is substitizzles n variations of known structures, but in entirely new structure types so you betta run and grab yo glock. If significantly enhanced TE properties is ta be found, new materials must become available. Therefizzles novel types of syntheses must be explored which allow fo` poser ZTs. Since tha electrical properties of solids is directly dependent on they crystal structure, we is motivated ta look fo` new materials wit new lattice structures with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back.

Interest in TE materials is not new but tha need fo` new materials is increas'n n tha next decade will be critical in tha develizzles of this field with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Tak'n into account tha difficulty if identify'n tha "right" compound n optimiz'n ta ZT >1, long tiznerm sustainable spendin' is necessary n close collaborizzles between chemists, physicists n playa is key ta success. S-to-tha-izzuch collaborative approaches have bizzy tha paradigm in whiznich tha present effort is based.

Mesostructured non-oxizzle solids

Mesopizzles materials hizzle attracted considerable attention in tha last decade, coz of they immense technologizzles potential as catalysts, adsorbents n hosts fo` large molecizzles. The mesopizzles silicizzles of tha MCM-n family wit ordered pore structure, reported by tha Mobil group using long chain organic molecizzles as 'structure direct'n' agents, hizzle spawned a new era in open framework materials . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Porous low band-gap non-oxizzles systems, such as chalcogenizzles is also of bootylicious interest coz new applications could be foreseen by combin'n tha porous nature wit they semiconduct'n n opto-elizzles properties in fields of photocatalizzles nanotechnology etc . Im crazy, you can't phase me.

Sulfide selenide n telluride-based n otha non-oxizzle open-frizzle materials is intrigu'n compounds . Hollaz to the East Side. Apart from tha fact tizzle they possess a very diverse n therefore interest'n structural chemistry, these materials might act as special "zeolites" thizzat combine physical properties typical fo` semicondizzles fo' sheezy.

In one instance, we hizzle synthesized two new mesostructured metal germanium sulfides wit hexagizzle framework organizzle frontin' [Ge 4S10]4-anions n tetrahizzles Ga 3+n In 3+cations . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. CP molecizzles act as templat'n agents n occupy tha closest-packed cylindrizzles pores of tha framework. The CPGaGeS n CPInGeS emit intense green light when stoked across tha band gap n presage tha potential of such systems in blingin' n optoelizzles devices thats off tha hook yo. Current wiznork focuses on experiments aimed at surfactant removal ta rappa tha pores in these systems accessible.

Tue, 16 May 2006 05:50:17 GMT

wow..amazing. this is a sign from God that i must work on thermoelectrics for my PhD. okay, so another school i was considering (Michigan State) has Prof. Kanatzidis, an expert on thermoelectrics. guess who just got stolen by Northwestern to be a prof there? Yes. Prof. Kanatzidis. Wow..this is going to make choosnig a PhD advisor way harder now.

so, if you know chemistry, who should i choose?

1) Poeppelmeier
2) Ibers
3) Odom
4) Hoffman
5) Kanatzidis

Wow. i <3 northwestern even more now.

waaaaah...onto the next phase of life

Tue, 16 May 2006 05:28:59 GMT

so i take my last final as an undergraduate tomorrow. i better fucking pass. hahahaha. i've studied so it should be good. i'm going to miss UT and Austin..a lot. so much. so many fond memories here. i've really grown up as a person (maybe) and i've changed (for the better?) hopefully :). these past four years have been so good to me (even with all tghe shit that has happened) and i am ending up at one of the top ten chemistry grad programs in the country. thanks UT for that. so years in reflection: UT fucking rocks my socks off. it is THE university of Texas (fuck that at Austin shit) and i will be a longhorn for life. hell yes. while my school attire may change from burnt orange to purple (Northwestern), my mascot will always and forever be Bevo. |m|

but yeah. i've made so many friends here, but 2 sets of friends stand out in my mind. the two triumbirates of awesomeness as i like to call it.

first is the crazy ass chemistry lab trio: me, brad and erin. who would ever have thought that my best friends in chemistry would end up being brad (drunk ass frat boy..who's hella fun) and erin (uber smart sorority girl). i mean, looking at who i have hung out with in the past, you'd think they'd be my natural born enemies. but alas, they're my best friends. here's to fond memories of a) 2:30 AM drunken pool party because we went to a concert instead of studying, b) defeating the beast, c) passing CH154K/CH376K/153K/353/354/354L/618A/B/ and the other bajillion classes we've taken together and all the fun 'study' parties along with it, d) the dungeon, e) 'brad, why do we only have sex when you're drunk?' - stupid freshman girl, f) making an utter fool of myself at brad's 23rd b-day party, h) KFC studying before quantum tests, i) being my posse and finding your own rivals with the other posse (that still amazes me), j) learning about adderall and its evil effects on my body (though brad's completely immune), k) the recorded phone messages from that drunken night, l) LAB NIGHTS!, m) special projects hell, n) suffering through analytical, o) suffering through advanced analytical (i couldnt of done it without y'all), p) 'motivating' each other to study, q) taking advantage of erin's gullible-ness then laughing about it, r) all the inside jokes, s) making me realize i am a true chem nerd, t) making brad and erin realize their chem nerd-ishness, u) getting me to party with drunken frat boys/sorority girls, v) the bajillion pictures on facebook from being drunk together, w) brad saying he'd never get drunk with us again, but it happened so many more times afterwards, x) sex (phalluses and labia all over our chem notes), y) drunk dials, z)i'm going to save this one for a memory at erin's wedding this summer. yay! erin and brad have made chemistry bearable and fun. i really really really hope to God that i will have someone like them whom i can rely on in grad school. of course, no one can beat the original.

now, for my best friends outside chemistry. wow..a-z is so not going to contain all the memories with these guys. denny and malina *sniff*. it's so sad. we're not going to see each other again for a long time! (well, denny and i will over the summer if he gets the job in h-town). denny and malina have been my best friends since freshman year. malina has been my uber-big sister figure always keeping me out of trouble (when you left that's when denny and i got into trouble the most), and denny has been my brother like figure who i got into trouble with. malina taught me how to remain somewhat responsible, while denny taught me to loosen up and be carefree. lord knows how much i owe these two people. from the hospital visits, to dealing with breakups, to just..dear god..everything. i'm going to miss them so much. gah. the memories with them i could write books and books about. denny and i are even thinking of turning our misadventures into a series of books (hell, it'd be funny as shit). wah. so sad. graduation. sniff.

i'm so glad that i made friends like these in the past four years at UT. so glad. so happy. the only one gone so far is malina who graduated last fall. still keep in touch with her, and she's doing great at Schlumberger. denny is still in austin working for stone aerospace. wah. hanging out with denny tomorrow after my last final. it should be fun. i need to make more memories. yay!

what a crazy weekend

Sat, 13 May 2006 22:27:33 GMT

okay, so..i got out of the hospital yesterday because i was having spasm attacks/shivering during my organometallics test. so nhot fun, i could barely concentrate on whatever. apparently it turns out i had a 104+ fever which was brought down through an IV and all those fun pokey needly things. so, guess who had viral meningitis and needed a spinal tap (lumbar puncture) in order to prove it? yes. me. spinal taps are not fun. at least i'm not dying though so yay. i'm perky now, but i will have major headaches for a while as a sideeffect of the doctors sticking a needle in my spine. better than death. that's all i gotta say. now i sleep.

hell yes!

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:21:53 GMT

Mmhmm...that's me

put your IPod/ITunes/Shuffle on SHUFFLE and put the first 15 songs here

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 17:05:58 GMT

A cute little meme that I got and so I did it.

1. How does the world see you? Follow Through - Gavin Degraw
2. Will I have a happy life? Kung Akoy Iiwan Mo - Basil Valdez (okay..no suicide for me!)
3. What do my friends really think of me? Do you know where you're going? - Diana Ross (damn...am i really that directionless?)
4. Do people secretly lust after me? Nandito Ako - Lea Salonga (sweet..someone does lust after me!)
5. How can I make myself happy? Fallin - Lea Salonga (fall in love..awww)
6. What should I do with my life? Come what may - Lani Hall (damn straight)
7. What is some good advice for me? Gaano Kadalas Ang Minsan - Basil Valdez (that is so true!)
8. How will I be remembered? Man on the Moon - REM (um..I dunno how to take this)
9. What is my signature dancing song? 1000 Things - Jason Mraz (wtf?)
10. What do I think my current theme song is? Handsome Man - Robbie Williams (fuck yes)
11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Paano Kita Mapasalamatan - Kuh Ledesma (awwww...how sweet)
12. What song will play at my funeral? Pavane pour une infante defunte (Song for the Dead Infant) - Maurice Ravel (creepy)
13. What type of men/women do you like? How can I tell you? - Lani Hall (hahahahaha)
14. What is my day going to be like? Simple kind of lovely - Kara's Flowers (awesome!)
15. What will tomorrow bring? Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen (huzzah!)

So.. tag quistak, everythingszen, electroworld, and superspazmizu

what a LONG day

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:51:27 GMT

oh goodness..what a long day..

hung out with denny for a good bit since this morning. we worked a bit more no the boat and found out a way to place the boat on top of his car without damaging anything. only a few things didnt work out (when we turned the boat on the concrete some of the coating chipped off, but it's repairable), but for the most part we are going boating tomorrow! i'm so excited!

special project almost over....

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 04:00:17 GMT

okay..senior thesis..all red marks so i have to rewrite that *grumble grmuble*, but that's okay cause special project presentation is fniished! huzzah! so special project was on the determination of organochlorine pesticides in honey..i did samples of honey in texas and wow..surprising results. ALDRIN, a pesticide that was banned in the 70s/80s is present in all of my honey samples, and ENDRIN, a metabolite of aldrin in the honeybee is present as well. considering honey is basically bee throw up, that would cause some concern..i even have the GCMS to prove it..if you wanna see just comment or whatever. yeah..

YAY! awesomeness

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:43:45 GMT

after some angry rants abuot premeds and med students, i'm happy once again. i mean yes i am stressed out over senior thesis being due and special projects presentations but yay! i just got this email from my advisors...

=====================================================================
I just wanted to go over your report with you and see what we need to
do so we could publish it. It looks like that after we get the
thermal conductivity, it should not take much - just a few wording
changes. We need mostly the 1-2-4 thermal conductivity, but while we
are at it we should probably also rerun the 2-4-7.

do you want to pick a journal?

Once you get to grad school you wont have much time for it so I was
hoping we could get it done soon...
======================================================================

wooo! another publication for moi. This would make publication #4..oh yes..oh yes. now what journal should i choose? i have no idea but it's a pretty big deal. this research is on thermoelectric materials and the materials that i worked on ended up destroying the previous zT (thermoelectric figure of merit) by a goodbit. the highest recorded zT of any known material is Zn₄Sb₃ at 1.4 my material is higher than that and it does it at a lower temperature. since it's going to be published i shouldnt put too many of the details but i'm really excited about this. thermoelectrics are utterly fascinating and too bad there's only a few groups out there that i know of who work on it who reside at caltech (where my co-advisor is!), michigan state, uc-davis, university of houston, and a few other places. it's really really exciting but alas i didnt apply to any of those schools for grad school. i should have but i think i wanted to learn something new. maybe i could always postdoc working on TE materials...

MD vs PhD

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 00:10:09 GMT

gah..to all my premed friends going to med school next fall, this isnt about you. it's about the people who will be your potential classmates. guh...

why is it that people (pre meds in particular) always seem to look down on us going to grad school. "oh you're going to grad school? that was my backup.." right bitch. i'm headed to a TOP TEN grad school program and you're headed to what..a TIER THREE medical school..my school would NOT have been yourbackup. okay..i know i sound like an egomaniac right now but seriously?!?!?!?!?

medical school = memorization, breadth in a variety of subjects (basically become a bio/biochem jack of all trades), and a bunch of other stuff.

grad school = critical thinking and analysis, originality, creativity, finding and solving new problems

what grad students learn about the body, med students learn to apply. it's that simple. one isnt harder than the other, they're different approaches. one isnt better than the other either; it just draws different types of people. with me, i enjoy the people who are going to grad school with me while i dont like those in my class who are headed to med school. i mean seriously..EGOMANIACS.

now i know some people who are like, oh..but med school is way harder than grad school. bull. let's look at the hoops grad students go through vs. those in med school.

med school hoops:
one year of classes
USMLE Step 1 and Step 2
clinicals

grad school hoops:
proficiency exams (during freaking orientation for God's sakes!)
one-two years of classes
teaching duties while taking classes and doing research
years of ORIGINAL research
literature exams (some schools)
candidacy exam
original proposal
thesis defense

grad school is like a five year pledgeship to join the fraternity of PHi Delta (PhD). med school is only a four year pledgeship to join Mu Delta (MD). i mean seriously...USMLE and one year of classes. no freaking teaching duties while there too. gah. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

okay.that's enough of my rant now. i'm tired.

chemistry and biochemistry symposium

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 00:21:27 GMT

UT-Austin Spring Chemistry and Biochemistry Symposium

i wonder if i should present or submit an abstract to this. i mean i missed the undergrad poster session from before cause of grad school visits (it was WAY worth it). but i dunno what to present...solid oxide fuel cells or thermoelectrics? what should i do? gah..oh well..if you're at UT, you should come..cause it's cool

row row row your boat

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 02:52:38 GMT

so i've been hanging out with denny lately worknig on the wooden boat he's building. it's a nice little distraction from school, work, and stressing out over other things. so far..only 2 explosions! YES only 2 explosions! i believe that is a record, but it has a little thing to do with chemistry..hence why i'm posting it.

volatile and flammable fumes + sparks from ghetto ass fan to ventilate -> BOOM!

that's simple enough chemistry i believe. however, the boat looks pretty badass, i am very proud of it actually as denny's been working hella hard on this. now, my only concern is that the coating we bought will actually prevent the boat from rotting and hopefully the fiberglass resin will not let the boat get all leaky after only one use. that'll make all these hours of working on it so sad. however, it's been good hanging out with one of my best buds on this thing so that's always good.

miscellaneous musings

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 05:22:23 GMT

hrmmm...i dunno. i'm sitting up ehre late at night and yeah..i cant help but just thinking about some stuff. denny and i have worked on some pretty shady things (and i dont mean are usual and rather juvenile pranks), but as an engineer as as me in science we've worked on things that i question whether or not are good enough. how does one deal with this shit? can you live with knowing that stuff you work on might not be used properly? or yeah..i dunno. i'm feelnig just wierd.

i'm not the best about this but yeah...so i dont like this seriousness.

denny wanted me to put this cause it's true....you know what..nevermind. but denny knows what i did and yes..i have no shame. poop! (hahahahahahahahaha!)

but yeah..denny is one of my best friends ever. thanks bud...i really needed to work on the boat to get my mind of the crazyness that is life at the moment. you are the best!

i'm so glad i'm NOT an organic chemist

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 21:59:55 GMT

okay, so i've just been reading up on this Sezen-Sames mess. C&E News, Science, Nature have covered it but most of the info that is the closest is from bloggers dylan, a graduate student in the Trost group at Stanford and paul bracher, a grad student in the Whitesides group at Harvard. this stuff makes me so glad i'm in inorganic chemistry instead of organic..take that! hahahaha

on a funny sidenote, this guy in the gym next to the apt computer lab is making some really..odd...noises in there.

but yeah, back to the issue at hand: organic chemistry..take that! hahahahahahahahahaha. no wonder my friends at columbia told me not to apply there..prolly knew before hand what was going on..yay for chemistry gossip!

decisions! roll call! a happy day for us all!

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 16:01:28 GMT

first things first...

HAPPY 20th's BIRTHDAY MICK!!!!!!!

now that the important thing was out of the way..back to the topic at hand.

i know i made the right decision for me in choosing Northwestern over Georgia Tech, but i cant help but feel bad in writing and sending the letter off to GTech. it's kinda sad really, especially since as the student, i sort of have power. maybe i'm just being silly, but i know on applyingtograd that others feel the same way. why is it like this? it's sort of as they say buyer's remorse but the decision is the best one for me. i think at least for me, i just dont like to disappoint, especially those at the other school (particularly ronnie, laura, otonye, and cam) cause it was a really really fun visit. i know they'll get over it, but i'm guiltridden.

oh well..i will get over this eventually but i cant help but feel particularly crappy right now. i know my decision was the right one for me and writing the letter only felt bad in terms of i dont like disappointing others. if i had only gotten into one school it would've been so much easier, but at least i had choices. so..yeah.

i guess i'm also sad that some of my friends wont be joining me in illinois even though i thought they were going to...so far...my friends have these decisions..it's more a roll call for myself than anything else so i know where to find them (yay for facebook)

vicky - Johns Hopkins chemistry
zach - Johns Hopkins biophysics
fiona - Stanford materials science
jerry - Caltech electrical engineering
angie - UC-Irvine chemistry
marcel - Northwestern chemistry (yay!)
lewis - The University of Texas at Austin molecular biology (YAY)
james - The University of Texas at Austin chemistry (YAY)
todd - The University of Texas at Austin chemistry (YAY) -> todd, you really should've gone to NW with me and marcel, but best of luck there :)
sharon - Berkeley/UCSF biomed computer program dual joint thing
ben - Harvard/MIT health science technology
dan - Harvard/MIT health science technology
mai - UT-San Antonio medicine
xi - UT-Southwestern medicine
amanda - UTMB medicine
marcie - Georgia Tech chemistry
susan - Georgia Tech chemistry
kim - Georgia Tech chemistry
jake - Columbia public affairs (only non science so far!)

damn..i know a lot of smart people :). i'm kinda proud now :)

who's reading this? hello future employers

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 02:31:33 GMT

oh goodness...

Job Applicants' Online Musings Being Looked at

wow. that..sucks. i'm glad i dont put anything really bad on my facebook..at least i dont think so. i mean there are pictures and whatnot, but one of the beauties for grad school is that stuff wont be looked at..yet. i think that's really not good though because i mean, we want to have outside activities. why should it really matter to employers (unless you're like the person who puts on her blog that she doesnt wanna work for a company that she's interviewing for..that's just not that smart).

i dont think i've had anything on this that's really badh. huzzah! but i guess we can wait and see.

on a sidenote, i'd like to thank quistak for discussing with me and giving me one of the most non-biased opinions for grad school decisions. it's such a small world especially since she knows ben and ben. ha!

also, i need to go back to h-town to hang out with electroworld and everythingszen and melodyboom. it's my last year to be in texas so i should really hang out with them before i go off for grad school. oh well :)

on a final thought..i really hope my life reality is like my life plan..not what is shown below

going through the motions

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 20:36:32 GMT

just got out of my filipinos in the us class. it's one of the last non science classes i will ever take. i look back at asian american studies and i'm glad i've taken all these classes cause it's really broadened my horizons from the myopic-ness (is that even a word?) of science. as of this time next year i'll be busy in lab (like i'm not already because of senior thesis) but still. it's such a pain in the ass sometimes.

as such, we were discussing exploitation of different groups for different audiences. take for example, filipinos were used in the famous movie apocalypse now to substitute for vietnamese and cambodians. this is kind of like saying "all Asians are the same" but that's not really what bothered me about the whole thing unlike ther est of the class. what bothered me was that coppola went and worked with ferdinand marcos (one of the most horrible people in the Philippines) to ensure his movie and that they did not feel bad about paying the filipino extras and set workers only $1 a day. albeit, $1 was about 50 pesos (which isnt that bad thinking about it) but they did not have any remorse about doing so.

it makes me wonder if i'll get to have discussions like this in grad school..maybe it'll all be about chemistry..i dunno. however, i found out that some of my friends arent going to northwestern or going to the illinois area anymore. it kinda makes me sad.

okay..back from studying which is why this edit is added. the future is kinda scary..now that i think about it. i mean seriously..who knows what the hell will happen in graduate school? will i be ready? am i ready to leave and graduate and go out there and compete with all these brilliant people who will be my classmates. i'm use to being average..never said i was smart or whatever, but yeah...gah..i'm feeling mediocre already..

my present...

this is my future i think...

deciding where to go pt 2

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 03:54:31 GMT

i figured i should post the professors i'm interested in working for. this whole process is really more for me for anyone who reads this, but i figured it's a way for me to keep things organized.

northwestern
1) prof. poeppelmeier - very well established professor with really interesting work on metal oxide chemistry. his catalytic projects (i know he's starting a SOFC project but dont know the exact details) are very cool and i have experience in what he's doing. he has a very cool group (at least from those i met at the visit) and it's quite small for the size of the program. i believe there's only 8-10 students but i dont know who's leaving and who's going. he's also doing biogenic manganese oxides, but dont know much details with that.
2) prof. ibers - one of the most established profs there (ppl are still surprised he's taking students). he does exploratory chalcogenide synthesis (actinide chalcogenides, concentrating on U and Np compounds) which arent really application oriented like poeppelmeier but more fundamental/crystallography based. lots of characterization. very small group (only 4-5 i think).
3) prof. marks - another established professor working on a variety of projects. he has a HUGE group but i'm interesting in his TCO (transparent conducting oxides) which he collaborates with poeppelmeier on.

georgia tech
1) prof. kroger - new professor who does biomineralization. one of the very few biomineralization places in the US working on silica nanotechnologies using diatoms as a basis for it. he works with prof. sandhage on turning those silicates to other metal oxides for more functional purposes..sandhage might get chemistry adjunct position in which he could take it.
2) prof. zhang - established professor working on magnetic metal oxide nanoparticles for a variety of applications and fundamental studies. really interesting work particularly using magnetic nanoparticles for cancer therapies and drug delivery mechanisms.
3) prof. wang - very established professor working on metal oxide nanostructures. dont know much since i didnt get to meet him but he's from the mat sci department is adjunct.

so..in summary
northwestern - solid state materials
geogia tech - solid state materials

gah...they're so similar!

however, this is what'll most likely happen to me

deciding where to go

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 03:31:26 GMT

yeah. wow..i figured i'd go and upgrade (perhaps it's an upgrade..maybe a downgrade) from xanga (which was all my undergrad type stuff) to livejournal (for grad school type stuff). i mean, i'm going to graduate in a bit so i might as well put stuff here so i can ease my transition from undergrad years to grad school years.

so a bit about me. i'm me. ha! well, i'm will be a graduate student in chemistry (inorganic concentration with a minor in materials..by fall 2006 it will be official) and so yeah. i mean there isnt much more to say. i've had my crazy ass fun times at the university of texas at austin which is hella fun, and well, i am going to graduate with an okay gpa (actually kinda low for me to get into grad school, but i got in anyway).

for a nonsequitur here, GPA does not matter for grad school (not so much anyway). just do awesome undergrad research and you'll be good. i like to think i'm a good researcher but we'll see.

now..i'm still deciding between two schools. northwestern and georgia tech. northwestern offered the standard university fellowship ($24,000 stipend + signing bonus plus tuition and fees which totals to a $68,000 package), while georgia tech offered the ($22,000 stipend plus tuition minus $450 fees/semester, but i have two fellowships (cherry emerson and gaann) which would give me half TA-responsibilities for spring 2007 and the summer off). it's such a hard decision. gah...this is so damn hard. i dunno what to do anymore...it's a pretty powerful bargaining chip. what should i dO? comment here..

northwestern:
pro - an elite top ten chemistry program overall with a top five position in the inorganic and theoretical divisions (i was thinking of doing theoretical studies with inorganic chemistry there) and the fact that it's slightly more money than gtech; also, the average graduation rate is 4.5 years (compared to 5.5 national average); also since i'm wanting to go into academia, lots of profs at top places got their PhDs from there
con - will i feel stupid? they have excellent student because they are a top tier program and i honestly dont know how i got in..it's really wierd but yeah. also, evanston, while a suburb of chicago is kinda ritzy and conservative in a sense and since i'm hella liberal..it might cause problems

georgia tech:
pro - fellowships (as in they're trying hard to get me to come which is quite flattering actually) which allows me the summer off from TA duties and i only do half TA responsibility for spring 2007. it's a rapidly rising program (it jumped from #32 to #24 in a matter of four years!) so who knows how high it could end up by the time i graduate
con - younger not so established faculty that i'm interested in to where..yes..they're non-tenured. this could mean hell for me when it comes to tenure time cause i might get worked out like no other. but then again, i'm not afraid of too much work..but yeah..german workethic professors is kinda intimidating. asides from this, not many gtech grads end up in really high places in academia (of course it is still a young program, relatively speaking)

similarities:
1) infrastructure (three different institutes: bio related, environmental, and molecular stuff)
2) fun as shit grad students
3) monetary packages are similar relatively speaking considering that while NW pays more, it is slightly higher cost of living which offsets the cheaper health insurance and while gtech is lower cost of living, there are fees that need to be paid and a slightly higher health insurance
4) grad school curriculum (while NW has proficiency exams, gtech has lit exams; original research proposal, 5 semester classes vs 7 quarter classes is about the same)

gah..such a hard hard decision. folks..i have till april 15th..help me..please..

now on a funny side thing..this is me related to senior thesis..